Before you approach your partner with your interest in being poly, you need to get clear as to why you want to be poly. But if you think that there is a good chance that your partner can accept and adapt, the transition to an open relationship can be successful if not painless.Įxamine your reasons for being poly. It is also possible that the resistant partner refuses and the relationship ends. In the best circumstance, working through their differences is an opportunity for both of them to grow and become stronger in their relationship. Despite feeling that exploring would satisfy their needs, they don’t want to hurt their partner or leave them. The challenge for the exploring partner is that they have an interest in doing something unconventional and has to overcome both their own internal barriers (acquired through years of social conditioning) to exploring and also their partner’s reluctance. (Our next article will address what a reluctant partner can do in the same situation). In this article we explore what an exploring polyamorist with a partner who responds with 2 or 3 can do to help them both transition to an open relationship. The partner reacts in a number of ways: 1) They are relieved or curious 2) They are open-minded but scared and hesitant 3) They are completely freaked out and resistant to opening the relationship. He or she broaches the topic with their partner. One of them learns about polyamory (or meets someone they are attracted to) and wants to explore relationships outside of the primary partnership. It usually goes like this: Two people are in a monogamous relationship. One of the most difficult experiences for people transitioning to polyamory is having a partner who is reluctant about having an open relationship. I also appreciate my readers and fans providing feedback and their own stories that have refined my thinking on this topic. I am in favor of couples trying to work out their differences and educating themselves as much as possible before involving anyone else, and being ok with going seperate ways if they can’t work things out. I am less inclined towards exploring partners making a lot of accomodations for reluctant partners while trying to date others. For this new version, I have updated all pronouns to be gender nuetral (that was not as much of a thing in 2016). My metamour, who was supportive for a year, changed her mind about polyamory, and my lover and I spent the next five years fruitlessly defending our relationship against her resistance. Since then, that partner and I have divorced. At the time I was in the process of opening up a relationship with a reluctant partner. Septemupdate: A lot has happened since I first wrote this article in 2016. Photo: Alice in Wonderland directed by Tim Burton She definitely gets an "A+" for being that "hot wife" today. So now, I'm sitting here at work with a hard on thinking about tonight with my wife.good Lord how to women do that to us men? So, last night we "missed" because I lost track of time relaxing in the bath tub and she fell asleep in bed waiting on me.so my fault we didn't have a 4th night in a row of amazing sex. Oh my goodness, my wife has known for years that I've wanted to pull out the video recorder and make our own movie.then, all the sudden this past few days (Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday) we had the best sex we've had in years, she was going so crazy that in the middle of one of the seasons she made the comment "we could so make a movie as good as porn".to which I replied "well you know I'd be up for it". Her "No, the type of electronics that records what we do." Me "So where do you plan on using the 'electronics'" Her "We might use electronics" (which I thought meant her vibrator) Me "Come on, you're not this open usually with me and I love it, give a hint as to what you had in mind that got your horny" Her "no plans, just whatever happens, happens" Me "So what plans do you have for tonight?" Her "IDK, we 'missed' last night and I'm horny today.and yes, EXTREMELY wet" Me "So what got you thinking about that? Are you wet sitting there?" Her "No, the boys are home anyway, stay at work, we'll be having some fun tonight though"
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